Before Falling…: Cheeses Similar to Blue

S—, I know your life is somewhat less than you might wish… It’s going to get better. I know it is. In fact, it already has. I could hear in your voice the last time I was there that you were in a good place. As for mine, of course, well… I’m dealing with what I did. But, all is not lost. Things will turn around for me, eventually. They always seem to, though this time I’m not so sure, but maybe it will…

Oh, S—, you’re such a private person. Would you ever consider sharing more of who you are with the world?

Every day from this day to the next is difficult. But that’s no bother to you. You’re so strong, and fearless. I’m jealous of how carefree you are. No doubt you have a bright future traveling to and from far-off exotic locales, pulling down some ungodly sum of money, you lucky son-of-a-gun, you...

It would be so cruel if the universe would have you follow in your father’s footsteps. A life spent circling the drain while everyone else around you gets on in life… oh, the horror. Let me not think about it so as not to have it manifest.

S—, know that all I ever wanted for you to understand is that life is life, and not a death-in-progress. Treat time as something precious, not something to endure… See, there I go again, smothering, lecturing… Good on you for getting rid of me the way you did.

Here at the bottom,
G—

Before Falling…: Ivory Back Scratcher

Luck. Initiative. Moodiness.

Would a string of luck at present benefit me greatly?

Yes!

Am I the one who always has to initiate things between myself and friends and family?

Yes!

Are the above two questions the basis for my suddenly moody disposition…?

And so many more questions like these all requiring serious introspection—but these stick out to me the most…

Oh, another: What constitutes a distraction?

Before Falling…: Life’s Compass

This kind of confusion just doesn’t go away—or at least it won’t be going away any time soon.

Right now, as I sit to write these words, I have no idea what it is that I’m doing with my life, or where my life is going…

And yet I tell me: I know myself… I even go through the whole rigmarole, playing the part of “Armchair Psychologist” for the amount of time I spend lying on the couch under my own self-examination, nodding in agreement with my own estimation, my very own “professional” opinion, my very own consultation. I mean, a truly Herculean effort has been put forth on my part already; still, I must spend an even vaster amount of time waiting to hear back from me about my very own examinations and consultations sitting outside my own damn “office.”

I have no heading. This dominates far too much time in my day-to-day affairs. It has put my immediate future dead-center at each decision I make and opens me up to all sorts of (possible) jeopardy. Because for the first time in a long time I’m unable to get a sense of what lies ahead. And it isn’t going away, this confusion, this cloudiness. But where exactly am I to find the “cure?”